There is a longing in my heart
one that has always been there
a longing that continues to grow
I try to push it aside
I try to runaway
It scares me
it injects fear that runs through my veins
It is intertwined to my innermost being
a part of me that brings so much joy
a part of me that is fragile and tender
it can so easily inflict pain
it can crush me and implode
yet it can take me places I've never been
I have tasted what it has to offer
it was pure, sweet, joy
that turned sour before I could ingest it
it requires devotion
a devotion that allows it to evolve
I have closed it off
slammed the door in its face
and I am stammering back
to reopen, restart, redo
to start over brand new
but it is hard to start something new
when something old has tampered everything new
maybe one day I will be ready
maybe one day I will step out onto the water
maybe one day I will
maybe one day I will
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