Maybe One Day I Will

There is a longing in my heart
one that has always been there
a longing that continues to grow
I try to push it aside
I try to runaway
It scares me
it injects fear that runs through my veins
It is intertwined to my innermost being
a part of me that brings so much joy
a part of me that is fragile and tender
it can so easily inflict pain
it can crush me and implode
yet it can take me places I've never been
I have tasted what it has to offer
it was pure, sweet, joy
that turned sour before I could ingest it
it requires devotion
a devotion that allows it to evolve
I have closed it off
slammed the door in its face
and I am stammering back
to reopen, restart, redo
to start over brand new
but it is hard to start something new
when something old has tampered everything new
maybe one day I will be ready
maybe one day I will step out onto the water
maybe one day I will
maybe one day I will

YL Psalm

We each wrote our own psalms as part of a campaigners lesson a few weeks ago.  One of my guys is a senior now and has come a long way the past four years and just reading his psalm makes me believe even more that Jesus changes lives.  It is amazing that God has shown me his transformation and growth and it has been a blessing to be apart of this great young man's life who is now seeking out Jesus instead of the parts of this world that bring death.  Here is what he wrote

Dear Heavenly Father,
Though I think about you often
I push you away just as much
And I constantly go against you
As if I had forgotten
When times get rough
you're the first to come to mind
Yet I blame you first and
think it's part of your plan second
I rarely drop to my knees to praise you
though I assume you hear my thoughts
But I should fix all these problems
in your name God
Because a love like yours cannot be bought
Open my eyes to your love God
and show me the way out of darkness
As I continue to pursue you
throughout this journey called life
It's in Jesus name I pray
Amen.

Today's Choice

It's not too difficult
it's not beyond your reach
it's not up in Heaven
nor beyond the sea

No, it is very near you
it is in your mouth
and in your heart
it is set before you each day
a choice of how to live today
a choice of life and prosperity
or of death and destruction

Choose to walk in love
to walk down your chosen path
then you will live and increase
then you will be blessed
no matter where your path goes

 But if your heart turns away
down a path gone astray
you choose not to love
you are drawn away to worship,
what you do not love
you bow down to other gods
in that day you will be destroyed

 This day life and death has been set before you
your choice of blessings or curses
now choose life:
go and love
go and listen
go and hold tight
go because you have only been given a few years

At The Corner Pennsylvania and Ohio

At the corner of Pennsylvania and Ohio
is where you could find me
if you walk by today,
it looks like everyday,
but today I took a deeper look

On a cold December morning,
I came with hot chocolate for all
on this corner sits a bus stop
on the surface its dirty
and filled with the homeless
filled chronic and broken dreams,
but on the corner of Pennsylvania and Ohio
life lies within,
below the surface
without conversations abrupt
without conversations ending in, "I'm well"

Here lies reality
lives hanging by a fraying thread
all grasping for a rock that won't sink
surrounded by the harshness of life
despite having no house to their name
this bus stop is a home

You can find acceptance
no flaws can outwit
greeted with a come as you are
holding to the words of Ezekiel and Jeremiah
to bring hope, to bring joy, to bring another day

No, its by no means perfect,
but its true family
carrying each others burdens
not once laying them down
dressing in love you can't recognize,
but love you can't escape

Don't stop at an easy hello
all people want to be heard
and are ignored
all people need love
and are forgotten
all people have been burned
and need to be rescued one day at a time

Yet here at the corner of Pennsylvania and Ohio
a cup of hot chocolate
brought joy and embrace
turned strangers into brothers
a cup of hot chocolate changed lives
just ask Bishop, DeAndre, Rusty, and Tony
they will be here
on the corner of Pennsylvania and Ohio
waiting for the bus
on a cold December morning
and they changed the life of me.

My Four Walls

Alone
trapped by four walls
I built them myself
in darkness abound
I can't see my own two feet
I have everything I don't need
I stumble over and over again
over obstacles I can't see
I reach out for anyone,
but its too dark to reach
the darkness drowns me
it repressed me deeper
and yet deeper still
it fills my lungs
and fills my brain
the darkness pumps in my heart
and runs through my veins
it consumes me
it becomes who I am
the darkness chains my two feet
right next to my grave
I close my eyes
now abandoned for good
deserted
alone
trapped by my four walls
I built them myself
in darkness abound
years later I hear a chipping
I hear a voice, a murmur
I hear chunks of drywall shatter on the ground
slowly I hear tiny crackles come from one wall
I begin to feel warm rays of light,
but my eyes sting and I shut them further
small rays of light must have slipped through the cracks
I have been in the dark so long
I resist and my eyes stay shut
yet someone is still chipping away
tearing down my walls
they start smashing holes into the wall
I hear their thunderous strikes breaking through
as light begins to flood
like water rushing through a dam
after years I finally hear the wall crumble and fall
I feel vulnerable and exposed
yet feel warmth and joy
for the first time since I was a little child
I can taste freedom
light touches my skin,
but they don't come to free me
they leave me in my shackles
they move to the next wall
and start hammering again